Words for the Bereaved -- Some Suggestions

Happy New Year~! I hope that you are enjoying the new energies of 2009. May this be a wonderful year of transitions -- with grace and ease, as much as possible. Speaking of which, I was asked to put some of my thoughts down re some of the best and worst things a person can say to someone who's lost a loved one. Here are some of my reflections on this:

Some of the worst things a person can say after a friend/acquaintance loses a loved one are phrases that assume things, such as "I know what you're going through," "You'll get over it," or "God never gives a person more than they can handle." Often, unintentionally of course, the friend wants to say what makes them feel better. So they try to fix the situation, whereas the person in grief needs comfort, consolation, and a listening ear. The grieving person usually appreciates simple "presence," a feeling that they can be held, cared for, and allowed to be exactly where they are.

Some of the best things a person might say are "I'm so sorry," "I love you (and your loved one who passed)," or "I'm very sorry that you're having to go through this situation. Is there any way that I can help?" Then make sure that you follow through when you get a response on how the person wants your help.

Sometimes silence is the best. The friend might simply give the grieving person a big bear hug and let them cry as much as they need. Then, they could let them know how much they're loved and that they will stand with them through this challenging time in whatever way they need. Intuition helps a lot here... gently let the grieving person guide the way, as everyone grieves differently, too.

A grieving person also needs to process what happened. Open-ended questions about what and how things happened are good, once they seem ready to talk. Questions like "What happened?" "How did (your loved one) die?" “How are you taking this all in?" "Tell me about how you're managing to cope with your loss?" can be helpful at this time.

Hope these reflections are helpful. Perhaps you have some comments or stories around this issue. I would be delighted to hear your reflections. Please be in touch. Have a blessed day, and year, Dancing heart~~~