Death May Not Be the Big Deal We Make It Out to Be....

I challenged myself to write only 500 words on what I believe about death. Here's what I came up with:

I believe that death is not the big deal we sometimes make it out to be. And I have learned this through the privilege of walking beside those who are preparing to die.

In 1989, I lost my own mother to cancer. Death was a pretty big deal to me then. Afterward, however, I knew on some level that my mother was just fine, probably in heaven. But I hadn’t yet sorted out what I really thought about death.

Then, a few years after mom’s death, I became a hospice worker. I never dreamed I’d learn so much by rubbing shoulders with the dying.

First and foremost, death need not be feared. Rather, when the time comes, death can be embraced with open arms. It is a time for reuniting with the spirit world from which we all come. It is a time for ecstatic celebration and home going. It is a time of connecting with the angels. As one woman posed just before leaving her body: “I see hundreds of angels!”

Secondly, the dying taught me “there is so much more than meets the eye.” I’ve heard about many mystical experiences while journeying with the dying. I have also had my share of such experiences. Once, I walked into a room of a man who asked me later, “Who was that woman who walked in with you when you came into my room?” I was speechless for a time, as I was not aware of anyone with me when I walked into his room. My own mother came to me once, too, through a woman who could read spiritual energy off of people. And mom introduced me to my unborn brother who was the one my mom had miscarried many moons ago!

Thirdly, I have learned that all of life is a kind of preparation for death. Shortly after my book, THE LAST ADVENTURE OF LIFE, was published, I met a young Buddhist volunteer firefighter in a health food store. We got to talking about life and death and my work. The young man exclaimed to me, “In Buddhism, birth is the hard part. Death is easy, because we have the rest of our lives to prepare for it.” Wow, what a concept: We could use the rest of our lives, especially our many goodbyes and farewells, as grist for the mill to prepare for the most important day of our life –- the day of our graduation from earthly life when we are free to release everything and everyone from our lives.

Finally, I’ve made the joy-filled discovery that all of life is interconnected. We are connected with all that is here on earth; we are also connected to all that is in heaven. The more we believe in this Magic of the Universe, the more it comes alive in our lives. The more we believe that synchronicity guides our lives, the more it does. Lastly, “Don’t die wondering," for we just may get exactly what we believe.

See a beautiful song I picked to go with this at my Examiner.com site.

Non-attachment Could Save Your Life This Year -- and Certainly Some Grief!

On this very special, first day of 2010, I invite you to think about how you might bring more non-attachment into your life. It could help you deal with all the changes that are taking place around us in these times. The following piece is called "Non-attachment." A brilliant and inspirational writer and hospice patient of mine, Niah Kinczewski, gave me permission to include it in my book, The Last Adventure of Life, before she died some years ago.

"Some people think that they need to hang on to what they have, for it may be the best they will ever get. If you are thinking about making a change, imagine yourself having something better than you have now. See yourself going through the process easily and feeling happy with the results. Imagine that this will be the best thing that has ever happened to you, even though you might not see why right now. Decide that you are going to trust in your ability to create your higher good, and look forward to the wonderful surprises that are in store for you. …

"Approach change as a great adventure. Believe that all change is for your higher good or it wouldn’t be happening. You can learn to cope with change in joyful, peaceful ways by trusting that the universe is friendly and that your Higher Self loves you and is looking out for you. If your personality isn’t willing to make the needed changes, sometimes your Higher Self will set things up so that change is made for you! Act upon the whispers before they become shouts; make changes your inner self suggests to you.

"One of the most difficult attachments to let go of might be your attachment to your viewpoint, beliefs, and judgments. You are always being challenged to think in new and expansive ways. The path is easy for those who have no preferences and opinions, for they are attachments that can take a lot of your energy. You can ?nd your preferences in even the smallest things, such as the way your food is prepared or the way you drive to work. It is important to discover which preferences truly serve your higher good and which are simply unexamined habits that keep you from discovering new, higher ways to be.

"Start practicing non-attachment by taking one small thing you feel attached to and pretending for one day that you are not attached to it. Become an observer and watch yourself. What habits and routines are you attached to? You don’t have to give up these preferences, only your dependence on them. Once you can be happy with or without them you are free; you can have them in your life or not, without being controlled by them. …

"You may have a belief that says, “If I act like myself, if I ask for what I want, I won’t be loved.” Tell yourself that you can have what you want and that people love you for who you are. You are freer to be creative, grow, and ful?ll your potential when you are not bound by what others think of you. Are the people you admire the most the ones who always seek approval before they do things, or those who trust and act on their own inner messages? You are not responsible for making other people’s lives work: they are! …

"Before you pour energy into changing or assisting people, let go of the need to have other people grow, appreciate you, or act in any particular way. Sometimes the strong desire to have them change may be the very thing that keeps them from growing. As you detach and stop worrying about them, they will be freer to grow.

"As you give freedom to others, you become freer yourself. Over time, people will come and go in your life, and one of the greatest gifts you give others is the freedom to go their own way. To serve others, you will need to learn to let go. Do not worry if some of your friends leave your life, for as you increase your vibration, people will either grow and stay in your life or leave. …

"Developing the quality of non-attachment will give you freedom, expand your world, and give you new opportunities to create and grow. When you aren’t attached to what others think of you or to having things be a certain way, you are free. You will have a sense of well-being no matter what the people around you are doing.

"Literally you create an energy structure in your cells and body that is called being in “a state of grace” when you can live each moment, full of love and joy, trusting that all in the universe is working in your best and highest interests! (Remember, life is meant to be lived in total freedom, and you do have the power to create a “happy ever after ending” to your new beginnings.) Freedom is then, being your Self and loving it!"

-- p. 162-163, The Last Adventure of Life, 2nd edition

If you'd like to see a short video on "Non-attachment" by Pema Chodron, I invite you to see my article at Examiner.com here.

Happy New Year, and Happy Non-attachment to us all in these extraordinary days! Dancing heart~~~

Some Reflections and Learnings from Sarah Palin...

I must confess that I'm quite puzzled about Sarah Palin and her celebrity status in our nation these days, perhaps not unlike the way I have been puzzled for some time now about our culture's awkwardness around death, grief, and transformation in general. There seems to be a great deal of ambivalence around how Americans deal with end-of-life issues; and Sarah Palin epitomizes this ambivalence:

On the one hand, in the spring of 2008, Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska "issued a proclamation that stated the importance of end-of-life planning." (See editorial by Earl Blumenauer, "The Sorry Saga of those 'Death Panels'".) On the other hand, this summer, on August 7th, after the Obama Administration had decided to include a strong piece on end-of-life conversations in the Health Care Reform Bill, Palin joined the bandwagon opposing the Administration's Bill by using the term "death panels" on her Facebook where she stated: "The America I know and love is not one in which my parents or my baby with Down syndrome will have to stand in front of Obama's 'death panel' so his bureaucrats can decide, based on a subjective judgment of their 'level of productivity in society,' whether they are worthy of health care. Such a system is downright evil."

Palin's statement was in no way based on the truth, or the actual bill. And yet, others joined this chorus referring to so-called "death panels". It seems that their purpose was simply to put the "fear of God" in people by drumming up some mis-truths around an issue that is already very sensitive and tender in our culture, thereby polarizing the issue and discrediting the authors of a very important and necessary bill.

Rabbi Schachter-Shalomi, a wise teacher in the conscious aging arena, has stated that one of the reasons Americans are so awkward around the subject of death and dying is because we have "pathologized" death by taking it to the hospital. This is a statement that rings very true for me, as once a person is in the hospital here in the United States, we make it very difficult for them to die. American doctors and hospital staff are trained to keep people alive, often at all costs. And now, Palin and other politicians are making it even more difficult to maneuver this very important arena of end-of-life care by spreading false truths and rumors, based on fear and discomfort around a sensitive issue.

I do not have any simple answers. I do offer a book called THE LAST ADVENTURE OF LIFE: Sacred Resources for Living and Dying from a Hospice Counselor in which I share some of the lessons I've gleaned from the many hospice patients and families I've had the honor to work with. And I do believe that this work offers an antidote to the fear and misrepresentation that Palin and others have attempted to create in the death and dying arena.

My hope and prayer is that Americans will not let the fear that anyone is spreading out there in our society get into them such that we run away from a necessary and important conversation. I am grateful to hear that so far, the end-of-life issue is still in the proposed 1,000-page health care reform bill. And I am hopeful that we as a nation will continue an important dialogue around end-of-life care such that we can begin to unravel what we've done to death in our hospitals and bring it back into the natural cycle of life!

Blessings of Deep Hope and Joy, Dancing heart~~~

Here is a thoughtful article that Deepak Chopra has posted just a week ago: Sarah Palin: Fooling None of the People All of the Time.

The Empty Nest -- Living through a Transition of My Own -- and Making a Friend at the Border

Wow, I'm now experiencing the throws of my own transition -- letting my daughter go, to attend college in Canada. This is big. I knew it would be big, but not exactly how big. I'm finding myself deeply grieving, sometimes when I least expect it. It's beem helpful to speak about what I'm going through with friends. Being and speaking with good friends who allow me to be who I am in the moment helps create comfort and hope in my being.

Speaking of which, I had amazing thing happen at the U.S.-Canadian border on my way home from dropping my daughter off: As I was leaving Vancouver, I asked Spirit that I would have a positive experience at the border. When I got in line to cross the border, I got a "hit" that I was in the right lane. I also did not have to wait very long. They were saying 25 minutes, but I believe I was only waiting for no more than 20 minutes. When I got to the gate, it was a younger woman inspector. There was a male guard standing with her, for some reason. She asked me where my residence was. Then she asked me about the purpose of my visit to Canada. When I told her that I had come up to "release my daughter to U.B.C.," she said that she had just let her daughter go to attend kindergarten for the first time.

Then I started to get really emotional and told her that I was just recently thinking nostalgically about the first day I put Heather on a school but to let her go to kindergarten! We had a lovely moment of recognition, and she quickly sent me on my way. Such a sweet experience, one woman to another, making friends at the borderline.

Hoping and praying that we are all finding friends and supporters along this journey of transitions, changes, and transformations, Dancing heart~~~

p.s. If you are interested in my articles at Examiner.com, please see this link.

The Mysterious Gift of Life... and Death

Marv and Nancy Hiles, the "keepers" of the Iona Center in Healdsburg, CA, publish a journal called The Way Through. In their most recent issue (Spring-Summer 2009), I enjoyed reading the following piece by Marv entitled "Living Giving Dying":

"Walking across the sticky surface of aging the other day, I stopped in my tracks and remembered some rather traditional advice about growing older and dying. Its argument is that since we have been given life, we should consciously offer it back little by little. This is straightforward, and all it requires is an attitude of gratitude while giving back what has been given us so abundantly. It echoes the words of the Bible that say, 'Freely you have received, freely give.' Furthermore, it is only fair to move over and make room so the next generation can experience life as pure gift. It is all about conscious aging and dying. To "offer back" and to "make room" are things I can do consciously in the heat and chills of this mostly slow dissolution. Mary Morrison's wonderful little book Let Evening Come is as clear and warm as one can read about the generosity of spirit that can follow us from all our days and henceforward."

In this time when our whole nation is a-buzz with a discourse around end-of-life care issues, it seems important to remember that our lives, in the end, are a mysterious gift. Last Sunday I helped facilitate a memorial service. During the service I used a prayer that shares the following: "We enter into life in a mystery and leave it in a mystery. Through all our days we are upheld by a power we do not fully understand. Joy comes to us beyond our expectation, and difficulty beyond our imagining. Teach us the faith that, if we persist, we shall know the truth and be glad of life through all our days. ... Turn our eyes and hearts again to the world of the living, ... to a life of sympathy and generosity for ALL who live and grow and die, ..."

Here's to a "generosity of spirit" to each one of us, as we live, grow (change!), and die. May we deeply give love, receive love, and share love -- while we are in the Land of the Living.

Deep Joy and Generous Love to each of you, Dancing heart~~~

p.s. If you are interested in the end-of-life discussion that's going on in our country, I invite you to have a look at some of my recent articles on Examiner.com as the Transitions & Grief Examiner.

Living through the Shift -- in the midst of Powerful Days

There is no question that we are moving through some big changes these days. I was heartened to hear President Obama eloquently answer a fearful question related to end-of-life issues that was posed to him at the AARP town hall meeting last Tuesday (for details, see my article at Examiner.com). I've been wondering ever since if any president in the past has ever spoken publicly on end-of-life care, encouraging people to think ahead and be prepared for our transitions into the next realm. Thank you, Dear President! I applaud your courage and foresight.

On another note, today is the last of a series of three eclipses, tomorrow is a full moon, and today through the 7th (Friday) are supposed to be some very important powerful days on the planet: Days to meditatae on the unity, cooperation, and the oneness that is possible on the Earth. For more details on this, I invite you to see another article (material from Judy Moore) from Examiner.com.

No matter what's going on in your life right now, the most important thing you can do is to stay in joy and remember to share the love. We are so blessed to be experiencing the miracle of life on this precious Earth! Enjoy the ride... or "ride the wave," as my great aunt Gladys used to say! Dancing heart~~~

A Gentle Death: story (slideshow) about a community of Sisters of St. Joseph

This thoughtful slideshow just came out through the The New York Times. It is about the Mother House of the convent of the Sisters of Joseph, a Rochester home specifically built for sisters who are preparing for the end of their lives. They are supported through their end of life with special care that suits their needs at this unique time. When you have the chance, do have a look.

Dying does belong at home, and in community. (As Rabbi Zalman Shachter-Shalomi reminds us, we've pathologized death by taking it to the hospital in the last 100 years.) And it means so much when older people can have the spiritual and moral support they need directly in their homes and residences when they need it. Aging people who live in community with loved ones and people they can trust, remember that they are loved and cared for. Therefore, they can relax better, and even have less pain and suffering. What a beautiful way to model for our society what is possible!

Thank you, Sisters of Joseph, for opening up your home and life for us so that we can have a glimpse of your beauty, wisdom, and gentleness. May your compassion and hope be seen by and touch many.

Infinite Peace and Healing, Dancing heart~~~

p.s. If you are in the Seattle area, I'll be presenting my book at Barnes & Noble (Crossroads, Bellevue) this Sat., 2-3PM, and at EastWest Bookshop (Bothell Branch) on July 31, 7:30 PM. See details here.

Also, for more articles on the body-mind-spirit healing modalities, see my articles on Examiner.com.