A lovely synchronistic re-connection happened to me last week. I literally "ran into" a friend I hadn't seen in months at the SF Airport upon heading to the Big Island in Hawaii. My friend is in the midst of caring for his 94-year-old mother who is receiving hospice care. As we talked further about his situation a few days later over some lunch, my friend shared with me that he had made a rather magical connection with a well respected Emergency Care doctor in a coffee shop earlier this year. As soon as this doctor heard that he was caring for his dying mother, she told him the following four things:
1) You are on a severe learning curve;
2) No one can predict what will happen (despite many who may think that they can!);
3) You are under more stress than you think you are; and
4) You must do things to take care of your stress, both for you and for the sake of your mother who you are caring for.
My friend acknowledged that he has used the doctor's words as his mantra as he's been caring for his mother over the course of the year. His mother is very close to death now; and the words still ring true for him. I wanted to share them with you here, as they ring true for me also. As I have mentioned before, if you are caring for a loved one, please remember to take very good care of yourself. Your life (and your loved one's life) depend on it.
Have a wonderful, joyous holy-day season. And Blessed Solstice, Dancing heart~~~
p.s. While on the Big Island, I also met Phillip Jones, a hospice spiritual counselor, psychotherapist, and author of a beautiful book titled Light on Death: The Spiritual Art of Dying. I invite you to take a look at it.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Number One Job for Caregivers: Take Good Care of Yourself!
Recently I put together an article on Spirituality and Caring for the person dealing with Alzheimer's Disease. As I wrote the article, I realized that the most important thing a caregiver can do is take good care of him or herself, so that they can keep doing the important work of care giving that they do. Here are suggestions I might offer anyone who is caring for their loved one, especially during the holidays.
1) Do you sometimes take time out to grieve and let the emotions flow?
2) Do you have good friends and/or a counselor you can completely “be yourself” with?
3) Do you have a spiritual life that you are developing? It’s good if you have a spiritual community you worship with as well as a private spiritual practice that you honor daily -- or at least frequently -- in your life.
4) How and when do you have fun? Who are the people in your life that you can “play with”? Are there ways that you can foster humor and laughter in your life?
5) How and when do you take time to relax? Did you know that something as simple as holding each of your fingers for 3 – 4 minutes can help you relax (See p. 198 of my 2nd edition book)? You could also take a bath with some Lavender or Frankincense oil sprinkled in to help you relax and connect with Spirit – your inner wealth of joy, peace, harmony, and courage! (Frankincense is a wonderful oil to help your loved one when he or she may be belligerent. Simply place a few drops of it in the palm of your hands, rub your hands together and smell the oil yourself. Then, make sure that you are in close proximity to your loved one and that they get to smell the aroma, too. You should see them relaxing very shortly. Another thing you might try is to visualize your loved one surrounded by the color pink. Pink is a wonderful color to help sooth anyone who is stressed…)
6) Who and what nourishes you? Do you take time to go to classes and/or practice any of your hobbies? Creativity, along with gratitude, is one of the fastest ways out of fear (and depression), so find new and fun ways to be creative in your life.
Here's to you taking better care of yourself in this Season when we celebrate Love. May you always know the Beauty, Love, and Light who you are, Dancing heart~~~
p.s. You might also take a look at the bibliography I offer specifically for the caregiver on pp. 241-242 (2nd edition). Here's the link to the bibliography on my website.
1) Do you sometimes take time out to grieve and let the emotions flow?
2) Do you have good friends and/or a counselor you can completely “be yourself” with?
3) Do you have a spiritual life that you are developing? It’s good if you have a spiritual community you worship with as well as a private spiritual practice that you honor daily -- or at least frequently -- in your life.
4) How and when do you have fun? Who are the people in your life that you can “play with”? Are there ways that you can foster humor and laughter in your life?
5) How and when do you take time to relax? Did you know that something as simple as holding each of your fingers for 3 – 4 minutes can help you relax (See p. 198 of my 2nd edition book)? You could also take a bath with some Lavender or Frankincense oil sprinkled in to help you relax and connect with Spirit – your inner wealth of joy, peace, harmony, and courage! (Frankincense is a wonderful oil to help your loved one when he or she may be belligerent. Simply place a few drops of it in the palm of your hands, rub your hands together and smell the oil yourself. Then, make sure that you are in close proximity to your loved one and that they get to smell the aroma, too. You should see them relaxing very shortly. Another thing you might try is to visualize your loved one surrounded by the color pink. Pink is a wonderful color to help sooth anyone who is stressed…)
6) Who and what nourishes you? Do you take time to go to classes and/or practice any of your hobbies? Creativity, along with gratitude, is one of the fastest ways out of fear (and depression), so find new and fun ways to be creative in your life.
Here's to you taking better care of yourself in this Season when we celebrate Love. May you always know the Beauty, Love, and Light who you are, Dancing heart~~~
p.s. You might also take a look at the bibliography I offer specifically for the caregiver on pp. 241-242 (2nd edition). Here's the link to the bibliography on my website.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
How to Send Holyday Greetings to One Who May Be Very Sick or Facing Death
I just got this question on email, and I've decided to answer it here as well. I would say first and foremost, write/come from the heart! Be as open and honest as you can be with your friend. Let them know that you are concerned about them, that you wish the best for them, and that you still hope that they might be healed. Remember that there are all kinds of "healing," when you say/write this. And include this feeling as you write. Also, if you are someone who prays, let your friend know that you are praying for them; this almost always means a lot. Perhaps, too, you can remind them that their Spiritual Selves are completely whole and well, and that they can let their Spiritual selves guide and nourish their way...
Please also feel free to visit my website and links here and also share it with others ;) Additionally, I have developed some lovely gift baskets called Soul Baskets for those going through all kinds of transitions! Please visit this website for more information on these. During the month of December, I can send these baskets out with FREE SHIPPING. Just let me know that you saw my message here when you order.
Blessed Advent, and Happy Holydays! Dancing heart~~~
Please also feel free to visit my website and links here and also share it with others ;) Additionally, I have developed some lovely gift baskets called Soul Baskets for those going through all kinds of transitions! Please visit this website for more information on these. During the month of December, I can send these baskets out with FREE SHIPPING. Just let me know that you saw my message here when you order.
Blessed Advent, and Happy Holydays! Dancing heart~~~
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Arizona Trip and Ho'oponopono
I've been readjusting to being back in the Seattle area after a magnificent trip to the Tucson/Phoenix/Sedona area. What beautiful energies I experienced on this informal Book Tour! Such lovely people nourished me and supported me through ten "gigs" in six days! I truly enjoyed a remarkable time, visiting churches, hospices, and even a bank that hosted me (for hospice volunteers) in Tucson! It renewed my commitment to share the message of my book and work -- I know it is needed in these changing, transformational times. It also reminded me of all the wonderful volunteering spirits that help to make hospice what it is... Thank you to all of you who are reading this who helped and guided me on this recent journey. And may we all be guided and strengthened as we together make the larger journey we are all on in these transformational times.
Upon my return, I met with a soul sister who told me about a healing book called Zero Limits. It's by Joe Vitale and Ihaleakala Hew Len, Ph.D., or "E" for short. It is a book about the Hawaiian Ho'oponopono system that incorporates the four short phrases I referred to a few postings ago -- "I love you," "I'm so sorry," "Please forgive me," and "Thank you." It turns out that these are very powerful phrases that one Hawaiian man used to heal a whole State Hospital in his native state. I will not spoil the fun for you and share any more details here. Let it suffice to say that this one book could change your life in a Huge Way if you practice what it preaches. We are truly in some amazing times with incredibly powerful healing possibilities coming to the fore! May we all keep on keeping on with what we know to be true. May we be encouraged by the new political climate that is afoot and a new incoming president who understands the Oneness of All, too.
Indeed, the times, they are a'changin', and we will be blessed for it and by it! Happy Thanksgiving to each of you, Dancing Heart~~~
Upon my return, I met with a soul sister who told me about a healing book called Zero Limits. It's by Joe Vitale and Ihaleakala Hew Len, Ph.D., or "E" for short. It is a book about the Hawaiian Ho'oponopono system that incorporates the four short phrases I referred to a few postings ago -- "I love you," "I'm so sorry," "Please forgive me," and "Thank you." It turns out that these are very powerful phrases that one Hawaiian man used to heal a whole State Hospital in his native state. I will not spoil the fun for you and share any more details here. Let it suffice to say that this one book could change your life in a Huge Way if you practice what it preaches. We are truly in some amazing times with incredibly powerful healing possibilities coming to the fore! May we all keep on keeping on with what we know to be true. May we be encouraged by the new political climate that is afoot and a new incoming president who understands the Oneness of All, too.
Indeed, the times, they are a'changin', and we will be blessed for it and by it! Happy Thanksgiving to each of you, Dancing Heart~~~
Saturday, November 1, 2008
The Last Burst of Energy -- in Brilliant Color!
I've been enjoying watching the turning of the seasons in beautiful color these days... some of the trees have some amazingly brilliant, gorgeous colors, they're captivating!
These autumn leaves remind me of how often, in people's lives, too, there's that last hurrah, a final burst of energy expressed just before a person lets go and transitions into the next world. I think back to almost twenty years ago now, when my own mother was dying. She was being cared for at home, by one of my sisters and some very generous women from her church. Essentially, she had been lying in bed and not doing much for the previous two weeks. My sister, who'd been with her for the duration, called up my other sister and me on a Friday to let us know that she felt the time was close for mom's death. She suggested that we both make the trip out to see her if we wanted to say our final goodbyes.
My sister and I both got in on the Saturday before Father's Day to be with our mother. She was still alert enough to greet us and spend some time honoring us with her energy and love, even though there were very few words shared at that point. Although mom was not eating much at that point, she shared a bite of zaru soba, one of her favorite Japanese dishes that we prepared for the gathered family. Dad made the comment "Something's keeping you going, Betty," and my mom opened her eyes wide and spoke one word, "LOVE!" I remember having a strong feeling of her essence that day, something like having the layers of an onion skin peeled away and the core essence of who she really was remaining at the center -- and I was privy to experiencing that center and essence of who my mother truly was and is, even now, in my heart.
The next morning, on Father's Day -- which also happened to be my father's 40th ordination anniversary day -- my mother awoke saying that she wanted to attend church with us. Unfortunately, there was no way to get her to church with us, even though she and dad were living next to the church in the parsonage. As soon as we all got back from church, however, we were able to get mom out of bed and into the living room for an informal indoor picnic. Then, right on cue, a couple that my parents had known and loved for many years, showed up at their doorstep to say hello. They joined our "picnic" and there was more laughter and positive energy shared. That evening I remember thinking: Wow, mom seems to be getting her energy back. Maybe she'll be able to live another week!?!
The next morning, on Monday after Father's Day, my mother took her last breath around 8:30. Clearly, she had rallied the last remaining energy she had for all of us and on our father's special day! What a gift. And what profound beauty we can share with one another, right up until the very last breath of life.
I honor the beauty of the leaves as I honor the beauty of my mother's soul.
A Blessed All Saints Day to you, Dancing heart~~~
These autumn leaves remind me of how often, in people's lives, too, there's that last hurrah, a final burst of energy expressed just before a person lets go and transitions into the next world. I think back to almost twenty years ago now, when my own mother was dying. She was being cared for at home, by one of my sisters and some very generous women from her church. Essentially, she had been lying in bed and not doing much for the previous two weeks. My sister, who'd been with her for the duration, called up my other sister and me on a Friday to let us know that she felt the time was close for mom's death. She suggested that we both make the trip out to see her if we wanted to say our final goodbyes.
My sister and I both got in on the Saturday before Father's Day to be with our mother. She was still alert enough to greet us and spend some time honoring us with her energy and love, even though there were very few words shared at that point. Although mom was not eating much at that point, she shared a bite of zaru soba, one of her favorite Japanese dishes that we prepared for the gathered family. Dad made the comment "Something's keeping you going, Betty," and my mom opened her eyes wide and spoke one word, "LOVE!" I remember having a strong feeling of her essence that day, something like having the layers of an onion skin peeled away and the core essence of who she really was remaining at the center -- and I was privy to experiencing that center and essence of who my mother truly was and is, even now, in my heart.
The next morning, on Father's Day -- which also happened to be my father's 40th ordination anniversary day -- my mother awoke saying that she wanted to attend church with us. Unfortunately, there was no way to get her to church with us, even though she and dad were living next to the church in the parsonage. As soon as we all got back from church, however, we were able to get mom out of bed and into the living room for an informal indoor picnic. Then, right on cue, a couple that my parents had known and loved for many years, showed up at their doorstep to say hello. They joined our "picnic" and there was more laughter and positive energy shared. That evening I remember thinking: Wow, mom seems to be getting her energy back. Maybe she'll be able to live another week!?!
The next morning, on Monday after Father's Day, my mother took her last breath around 8:30. Clearly, she had rallied the last remaining energy she had for all of us and on our father's special day! What a gift. And what profound beauty we can share with one another, right up until the very last breath of life.
I honor the beauty of the leaves as I honor the beauty of my mother's soul.
A Blessed All Saints Day to you, Dancing heart~~~
Sunday, October 19, 2008
The Miracle of Death
I was recently at a Biznik meeting in N. Seattle and started a conversation with someone who's writing about his son who died awhile ago. This conversation made me think of one of the most profound books I've ever read about death, grief, and the afterlife. It's called The Miracle of Death, by Betty J. Kovacs, Ph.D. Betty lost her mother, then her only son, then her husband, all in a matter of a few years. She could have been devastated and lost all reason for living. Instead, she allowed it to open her up to the true meaning of life. She had always had powerful dreams, and after her losses, her dreams became more and more telling. She eventually opened up to be able to communicate with her son and husband on the other side.
Dr. Kovacs is now teaching what she learned from her experiences with death and grief to others through The Kamlak Center. She is one courageous woman who is helping to show us the way through these transformational times we're living through.
I have just recently interviewed with Darren Main, a fellow author through Findhorn Press. It was a very good interview, as Darren has done his homework in the area of death & dying. He understands the anamoly of death (and grief) in our culture. I invite you to listen to our conversation here.
May we each be open to exploring the deaths and griefs that come into our lives such that we can ride the waves of transformation that are knocking on our doors on a fairly frequent and intense basis these days! Dancing Heart~~~
Dr. Kovacs is now teaching what she learned from her experiences with death and grief to others through The Kamlak Center. She is one courageous woman who is helping to show us the way through these transformational times we're living through.
I have just recently interviewed with Darren Main, a fellow author through Findhorn Press. It was a very good interview, as Darren has done his homework in the area of death & dying. He understands the anamoly of death (and grief) in our culture. I invite you to listen to our conversation here.
May we each be open to exploring the deaths and griefs that come into our lives such that we can ride the waves of transformation that are knocking on our doors on a fairly frequent and intense basis these days! Dancing Heart~~~
Thursday, October 2, 2008
We're All in this Hospice Experience Together!
I have said in the past that we're all going through a kind of "hospice experience" in our lives these days. In the last few weeks, as the powerful money institutions of the world are beginning to crumble, I'm sensing even more that this is a time for profound change on our planet. We are beginning to realize, and wake up to our senses, that we cannot base our lives on the material aspects of life. If we are "spiritual beings having a human experience," then it's the spiritual that we can truly trust and make our foundation.
This past weekend I had the good fortune to work with an amazing healer and hypno-therapist named Yvonne Oswald. She is a remarkable woman who embodies what she teaches. Her book is called Every Word Has Power, and it is one of the most practical and profound books I've ever read to help me change my way of thinking and being. As I learn from Yvonne and read and practice what she shares in her book, I'm literally shifting myself from negative thought patterns to positive ones. And it is creating a difference in my life! I'm a happier person as I tune into the true essence of who I really am, and as I love myself, forgive myself, and am more gentle and nourishing to myself.
One related exercise that I've learned and am practicing is to spend time telling myself how much I love myself. Besides the phrase "I love you, Dancing Heart (you can substitute your name here)," I'm learning that there are three other simple phrases we can use to honor ourselves: "I'm so sorry," "I forgive you," and "Thank you." These are phrases that as children, we yearned to hear more. However, due to the reality on the planet, most of us never got to hear these powerful, loving phrases as much as we needed. This is why we need to let ourselves hear these words now, as adults who can also honor the Inner Child within.
In these times of deep change, I invite you to find new ways to honor and love yourself, however those opportunities may come to you. By the way, I would invite you to visit Yvonne's website, too. Abundance, Joyful Blessings! Dancing Heart~~~
P.S. Don't forget: I offer wonderful Soul Baskets for anyone going through a time of transition in their lives, at my website, www.soulbaskets.com!
This past weekend I had the good fortune to work with an amazing healer and hypno-therapist named Yvonne Oswald. She is a remarkable woman who embodies what she teaches. Her book is called Every Word Has Power, and it is one of the most practical and profound books I've ever read to help me change my way of thinking and being. As I learn from Yvonne and read and practice what she shares in her book, I'm literally shifting myself from negative thought patterns to positive ones. And it is creating a difference in my life! I'm a happier person as I tune into the true essence of who I really am, and as I love myself, forgive myself, and am more gentle and nourishing to myself.
One related exercise that I've learned and am practicing is to spend time telling myself how much I love myself. Besides the phrase "I love you, Dancing Heart (you can substitute your name here)," I'm learning that there are three other simple phrases we can use to honor ourselves: "I'm so sorry," "I forgive you," and "Thank you." These are phrases that as children, we yearned to hear more. However, due to the reality on the planet, most of us never got to hear these powerful, loving phrases as much as we needed. This is why we need to let ourselves hear these words now, as adults who can also honor the Inner Child within.
In these times of deep change, I invite you to find new ways to honor and love yourself, however those opportunities may come to you. By the way, I would invite you to visit Yvonne's website, too. Abundance, Joyful Blessings! Dancing Heart~~~
P.S. Don't forget: I offer wonderful Soul Baskets for anyone going through a time of transition in their lives, at my website, www.soulbaskets.com!
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